My calm-down plan

Fill this in together when everyone is calm. Next time a big feeling comes, you will both know what to try.

My name:

When I’m upset, my body…

My face gets hot
My fists get tight
I want to yell or cry
My heart beats fast

I often get upset when…

I’m tired or hungry
I have to stop playing
Someone takes my things
Something is hard to do

Things that help me calm down

Take 5 slow breaths
A hug
Squeeze a soft toy
Count to 10
Get a drink of water

My calm-down spot

A quiet corner at home
My bed or my room
Next to a grown-up I love

People who can help me

Mom or Dad
Grandma or Grandpa
My teacher

When I feel better, I can…

Tell someone what happened
Fix it or say sorry
Try again
Go back to playing

For grown-ups: when big feelings hit

Safety first: move your child, or anything dangerous, out of the way.
Calm yourself first: slow breaths, quiet voice, few words.
Name the feeling: “You’re really angry.”
Point to the plan and let your child choose what to try.
Keep the limit: once your child is calm, what needed doing still gets done.
Talk later: What helped? What could we try next time?
If your child often hurts themselves or others during outbursts, or you are worried about how often or how long they happen, talk to your pediatrician.

How to use the calm-down plan

Fill it in together when everyone is calm, not in the middle of a meltdown. Ask your child what their body feels like when they are upset and what helps them feel better. Check off the ideas that fit and write in their own words. Children who can’t write yet can draw a picture in each box.

Practice the calming ideas a few times while things are calm, so they feel familiar when feelings run high.

Keep the plan where your child can see it. When a big feeling starts, stay close, point to the plan and let your child choose. This fits with time-in, where you stay with your child while they calm down. For what to do in the middle of a tantrum, see Tantrums: right now.