What’s normal at this age
- Hitting, biting and pushing rise in the second year and start to fall after the third birthday.67
- Most toddlers use some physical aggression. Only 28% use little or none.101
- In a study of preschoolers, ordinary tantrums tended to follow frustration. The worrying kind were unpredictable, very long or destructive.105
- Recommended sleep at 1-2 years: 11-14 hours in 24 hours, naps included.123
What works, and why
- A short list of firm limits, held calmly every time.
- Redirect: offer something they are allowed to do instead.64
- Two small choices you are happy with either way.46
- Stay close and calm in a tantrum. Talk once it has passed.
- Notice and praise what goes well.16
- A short, same-every-night bedtime routine.121
What backfires
- Giving in once the screaming starts. Keep the limit and offer comfort.
- Lectures and bargaining in the middle of a meltdown.
- Hitting, slapping or biting back. In its 2018 policy statement, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises against all corporal punishment.64
- Yelling and shaming: minimally effective now and not effective later, says the American Academy of Pediatrics in its 2018 policy statement.64
Things you can say
I won’t let you hit. Hitting hurts.
Blocks stay on the floor. Let’s throw the ball outside.
Do you want to walk to the bath or hop like a bunny?
Shoes on first, then we go out.
You’re really angry. I’m right here.
You can be mad. The answer is still no.